Home = castle?

Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be? Home is supposed to be the safe place, where you can relax and not have to worry about the pressure of performing for others. You’re supposed to be able to tell the difference between “here” and “out there” (in a good sort of way). So how come I so often think to myself, “Man I can’t wait for Monday so I can get back to the office”? I get home and there’s just as much stuff to do around here as there is at work. And I don’t get paid for it.

Well, okay, maybe I do. My daughters (1 and almost 3) are just about the coolest little people in the whole world. Even when they’re being little buttheads. There’s times when I wish I could go back and make some different choices in my life. But no matter how I slice it, there’s no way to changes things without erasing my daughters from my life. And I love my girlies too much to do that. So I accept each day’s annoyances and chalk them up as the small price to pay to get to see these two cool little people grow up in front of me.

Nothing wrong with speculating on how things could be different (better?). Just don’t lose track of the good.

Later,

“Rocky”

Work dilemma

So today I realized I was torn between hoping my coworker gets promoted to be our supervisor (since she totally deserves it), and hoping the hot chick who applied gets it. Because seriously, there is not an attractive woman anywhere on my half of the floor. To the point where I seriously consider applying for a lateral move, just to be somewhere where there’s someone better to look at day in and day out.

Maybe if coworker gets promoted, a hot chick will take her old spot. A guy can hope, can’t he?

Fear of public speaking?

I couldn’t help but laugh at work today. My coworker is applying for the job of our supervisor, which has been vacant since December. As an aside, a heartily sarcastic “Thank you” to our uber-boss lady for leaving us shorthanded for so long, we really appreciate it. Anyway, coworker has to apply for the job, despite the fact that for all intents and purposes she’s already been doing it for months. She was a bundle of nerves all day, despite being interviewed by people we already work with. Her reason: “I can’t bullshit them like I could with strangers, they know me too well.”

On the other hand, there’s my wife. She can boss me around 24/7/365, and go a few rounds with her mom with no problem. But ask her to go through a drive-thru and place an order and she clams right up. Most of the time I have to order for her at restaurants. She really freezes up at talking to people she doesn’t know. Sometimes it happens with friends too, depending on what she’s trying to ask/tell them.

And then there’s me. I’ll chew your darn ear off. Back in February I had a vasectomy (more on that in a later post). The doc told me to keep talking, to distract myself from the pain, and to let them know that I hadn’t passed out. So I talked for 30 minutes straight, about anything that popped into my head. At one point, while describing my 4 year old daughter, I mentioned that she likes to talk a lot. “Obviously, I have no idea where she gets it from,” I said through my gritted teeth. The doc and nurses nearly fell over laughing.

So what holds us back? Fear of looking silly. Fear of being told “no”. Feeling like the things we have to say aren’t interesting enough. But in truth, what do we have to lose? Go ahead and ask for [whatever], with the appropriate level of politeness. Asking is free, the worst that can happen is the person says no. And if they react worse than that, they might not be the kind of person you want to hang out with anyway. Fortune favors the bold, and “Yet you do not have because you do not ask.”

Be cool,

“Rocky”

Fun little toy

My wife got me a car FM transmitter for my mp3 player. Lots of fun has been had already. Yes, I am turning it up, and singing loudly (and probably rather poorly). Now all I need is a little warmer weather so I can roll down the windows and enjoy it.

I’m still in love with my mid-90s grunge/alternative/modern rock. Whatever you want to call it. Bush, STP, Live, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden. My all time favorite, Smashing Pumpkins. Then I started getting into some more classic rock. And then there’s some random stuff on there. Some Hatsune Miku (Japanese electronic music), some power metal, the version of All Along the Watchtower that they used in the last Battlestar Galactica reboot, the soundtrack to the Journey videogame. It’s about half full, and I think there will be enough room for all the rest of the stuff I want to put on.

Irony: I had to go away to a Christian college, and started downloading mp3’s off Napster to become a Metallica fan.

If my life was a TV show, what would my theme song be? Lots of options, hard to pick just one. I’ll go for Working Man by Rush. What would yours be?

Take it easy,

“Rocky”

It is your birthday.

How are you supposed to start a blog anyway? I’ve been looking all over and can’t find anything really clear.

So today was (well, still is) my 33rd birthday. I guess you can say I’m a third of the way through my life, more or less. And here I am, still not really sure who I am or who I’m supposed to be. Husband, father, yes, but what kind? Somedays I’m not even the same from minute to minute. Maybe I’ll figure it out this year.

Recently I’ve been reading Xenophon’s Anabasis, watching Vikings, listening to power metal, and playing Dwarf Fortress. Makes me want to be a badass and go out and smash stuff. Am I supposed to be happy with myself? Is it okay to wish things had turned out differently?

I just looked back and realized I used the word “supposed” three times already. Am I putting too much stock in other people’s opinions? What the crap, I don’t even freaking know.

I’ve tried blogging before and never kept up with it. I really want to try this again. Maybe it will work out this time. If anyone is reading this, feel free to drop by anytime, leave me a note if you want. I really do enjoy talking to people. I think if you do it right you can come up with something you’ve never thought of before. Let’s see what happens this year.

Take it easy,

“Rocky”